overweight & underorganized

1. Never give birth to a psychology major or you’ll wind up with “behavioral modification” contracts posted on the bulletin board of your home. Something else to ignore.

2. Don’t marry someone who folds their socks. (The positive twist to this one is, they will likely desire to do their own laundry. That’s a plus!)

3. Don’t worry; be apathetic. I ran across an article recently titled “What your RSS button says about you” that warned blogs are often judged by the “coolness” of our RSS feed icon. I’ll file that one on my list of concerns just above “How am I going to pay for my kids’ college?”

4. Don’t buy a tear-off calendar. Talk about announcing to the world that you’re unorganized! My tear-off calendar currently reads April 18. The only reason we’re in the same decade is because some pesky kid ripped off some pages to color on a few weeks ago. If I remember, I’ll throw that little sucker in the trash when I get to the office. (The calendar, NOT the kid! Sheesh!)

5. Don’t become a graphic designer for the USPS. Man, those guys are overworked–redesigning stamps every other week! No overweight/underorganized person I know likes to work that hard. The poor guys have even run out of stamp colors because the newest one has some kind of cross between khaki & baby puke. Ew! (They did luck out on this latest postage price hike, though–timed it the same week gas jumped to over three bucks a gallon so no one would gripe about a 41 cent stamp. Pretty clever!)

6. Don’t write classified ad copy. I read an ad just last week that said, “I want someone to clean my house.” Seriously. I want someone to clean my house, too, but it ain’t happening. I figure some poor O/U gal got stuck typesetting classifieds and her life’s dream came across the screen on that one. Poor thing–probably lost her job.

7. Don’t join the Army. I mean, those guys claim to do more before 9 a.m. than most people do all day. Not my kind of job. But come to think of it, I actually do quite a bit by 9 a.m. By that time, I’ve consumed about 2200 calories, dirtied every dish in the house, spent an hour looking for a lost item, played Bejeweled on the computer, and gone back to bed for a nap. Maybe the Army should get out more.

8. Never start a list titled “8 simple rules…” when you can only think of seven.

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