Busted at the Donut Shop
On a recent trip to Nashville, I lunched with some friends from an online weight loss support group. I didn’t order dessert, but later snuck by a donut shop. I figured I paid my penance for the pastry when a car backed into me.
I was wrong.
The real punishment came when I spoke with my insurance company’s latest employee, NEW GIRL.
NEW GIRL: Thank you for calling BIG NAME INSURANCE COMPANY. This is NEW GIRL. How can I help you?
ME: Someone backed into my car in a parking lot and it’s dented above the right rear wheel well. No one was hurt, so we didn’t call the police.
NG: So, you’d like to file a claim?
ME: Yes.
NG: Okay. So, who was at fault?
ME: Umm…the man who backed into me.
NG: Did you get his phone number?
ME: I only got his name, drivers license number, and, since he’s also insured with BNIC, his policy number.
NG: Can you give me his address?
ME: Uh…No. Can’t you pull it up using his BNIC policy number?
NG: The Claims Department can.
ME: Great.
NG: I’m ready for that phone number now.
ME: (She’s kidding, right?) NEW GIRL, honey, I didn’t get his phone number.
NG (giggles): Oh, that’s right. So, where did the accident take place?
ME: Nashville.
NG: Do you think the other driver lives in Nashville?
ME: I don’t know.
NG: But, it was in Nashville, though, so, probably?
ME: Well, I was in Nashville, and I live here.
NG (disappointed): I have to put an address.
ME: Can’t you leave it blank and get the info using his BNIC number?
NG (worried): I’m not sure.
ME: I bet BNIC has his address.
NG: Probably. So, was there a police report?
ME (I realize we’re filling out a form here, but sheesh–didn’t I already answer this question?): We didn’t call the police.
NG (shocked): What?!
ME: They won’t come to a non-injury fender bender on private property.
NG: Oh. Okay. What sort of damage did your vehicle sustain?
ME: Uh, it’s dented above the right rear wheel well.
NG: On the right side?
ME (wondering if she’s going to ask for the guy’s phone number again): Yes.
NG: What was the nearest street?
ME: Hillsboro Pike.
NG: Is that street, road or avenue?
ME: It’s Pike.
NG: What’s a pike?
ME: It’s a road.
NG (I swear I’m not making this up): So, Hillsboro Pike Road?
ME: No, just Hillsboro Pike. Pike is the word they used instead of street, road, or avenue.
NG: Why?
ME: I’m not sure, but the city of Nashville is quite fond of Pikes. (I name a few, just for kicks.)
NG: Thank you Mrs. Fulkerson. I’ll file the claim now.
ME (WAIT!!! Even though this convo has been super fun, getting my car fixed IS the ultimate purpose of the call.): Where can I take my car?
NG: Oh, yes. (Names my choices and explains the policy if I don’t want to use one of BNIC’s designated fix it shops. Thankfully, I do.)
ME: Thank you, but don’t you need the BNIC number of the man who hit me?
NG: It doesn’t ask for it.
ME: Can I just give it to you anyway?
NG: I suppose so.
At least the BIG NAME INSURANCE COMPANY I’m with doesn’t claim you’re in good hands with them.
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