Tips for Avoiding the Scale
It has come to my attention that most weightloss programs suggest weighing in just once per week. Now I’ve been drawn to my scale like a moth to a bug zapper, so I’ve devised a list of ways to avoid the thing between weigh-ins. Hopefully, you’ll find this list as helpful as I have:
- Using self-hypnosis, associate in your subconscious the word “cooties” with your bathroom scale. Ew!
- Hire an armed guard to shoot weigh-day violators on site.
- Toss the scale to the annoying neighbor kids and tell them to play keep away with it. When you tire of hearing their “nanny-na-na-boo-boo” taunts as you desperately attempt to retrieve your scale, tell the armed guard you saw one of the little tykes sneak a peek at their weight.
- Kidnap the neighborhood pit bull–you know, the one that terrorizes you on your daily trek to the mailbox–and chain it to your scale.
- Wrap crime scene tape around the corner of your bathroom where the scale resides and refuse to enter the area until the CSI team arrives.
- Rig your scale with a whoopee cushion.
- Have the local electronics shop wire your scale with an alarm that shouts “Step Away from the Scale” when touched on any day except your designated weigh-in day.
- Connect your scale into your electric fence’s circuit and fire it up.
- Phone the scale prevention hot line whenever you feel the urge to weigh before your scheduled day.
- In the spirit of community development’s “Clean It, Green It, or Screen It” motto, install a privacy fence around your scale to keep it out of your sight.
- Join a support group, such as “Over-weighers Anonymous.”
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