Overweight & Underorganized

It’s hard to get anything done when I spend a half-day engaged in my morning water routine. You know, “Thou shalt drink a minimum of eight 8-oz. glasses of water soest thou canst lose weight.” Problem is, after force-chugging 64 fluid ounces of water, the next three hours are spent rushing to the ladies room. (And It’s dang hard to run with your legs crossed.)

Problem solved. You know those 64-must-drink-or-else-ounces? No one really bothered to explain that they don’t need to be (and really shouldn’t be) downed in one sitting. Although a camel can drink about 250 liters of water in one visit to the drinking fountain, humans cannot. Apparently, the whole purpose of the eight-glasses-a-day rule is to keep our bodies consistently hydrated throughout the day. That means, the water should be consumed throughout the day. This is profound to those of us who have, for most of our adult lives, lugged around a barrel-sized water mug, attempting to empty it into our bellies. (After we finish drinking our morning coffee — duh!)

Because the “average” American spends 16 hours per day awake (I don’t know who comes up with these figures, because I haven’t gotten eight hours of sleep since I was 12), one should drink 4 ounces of water per hour throughout one’s waking hours. (For the mathematically challenged like myself, 4 times 16 equals 64. Viola!) This makes sense on so many levels. For one thing, it’ll drastically reduce desperate treks to the bathroom or the yellow-eyeball-effect that strikes when you’re stuck in a meeting and can’t be excused. Plus, this method ensures your body will be consistently hydrated throughout the day.

You may or may not be aware of how important hydration actually is. Headaches, brain fuzzification, and a number of other ailments, including arthritis, have been linked to chronic dehydration. So, get you a 4-oz. shot glass and fill it up every hour on the hour. (Great excuse to take an hourly break!)